


christmas on the space whale

by ineedashiro (madseli)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abandonment, Childhood Trauma, Christmas, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Gen, Ignores Season 8, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Keith's Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, POV Krolia (Voltron), Quantum Abyss (Voltron), Visions, background allurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 13:11:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17162576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madseli/pseuds/ineedashiro
Summary: Keith and Krolia see visions of Christmases past and future.Ignores Season 8 entirely.The last thing Krolia expected was for Keith to laugh. It bubbled out of him, like he hadn’t meant to, but couldn’t hold himself back.“What’s so funny?” she asked.“The antlers,” he said, “They were terrible.”





	christmas on the space whale

**Author's Note:**

> I liked the idea of twisting the idea of A Christmas Carol around to work in the Quantum Abyss. This is primarily Keith & Krolia focused with some Sheith. Only mildly angsty. 
> 
> Happy holidays!

The home Krolia found herself in was familiar. Aside from being the backdrop of a number of Keith’s memories, she had lived there for a time with his father. In one corner stood a tree decorated with shimmering lights and baubles. She recognized it from what Heath had called “Christmas,” an Earth holiday she was able to celebrate with he and Keith only once before her return to the war.

This was another vision - a symptom of their extended stay in the Quantum Abyss. It wasn’t the first and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Wrapped presents sat under the tree. Heath was not a wealthy man, and the pile reflected that, but the waning light suggested the end of the day was nearing and that they should have been opened by now.

Keith kneeled on the ratty couch by the window, chin resting on his folded arms. He couldn’t have been older than four human years. Krolia couldn’t see his face, but his body language brought out the maternal instinct to comfort.

Heath stepped up behind him, sitting on the couch and rubbing a hand over his son’s back. Even for a human child, Keith seemed so small. “C’mon, buddy. Don’t you wanna open even one?”

Keith turned, slow with a weight that shouldn’t have been on his young shoulders. “Was I bad?”

“Of course not.” Concern was etched into the lines of Heath’s face. “You’ve been very good this year. Santa didn’t forget about you.”

“But he didn’t bring me what I wanted.” Keith’s voice cracked, bottom lip wobbling.

“You don’t know that,” Heath said, not yet understanding what Krolia was already piecing together. “You haven’t opened anything.”

“I asked him to bring Mom home.” Tears welled at the corners of Keith’s eyes. Krolia had never wanted to hold her son more. “Was I not good enough?”

“Oh, Keith. C’mere buddy.” Heath pulled his son onto his lap and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Your mother would love to be here. I know there’s nothing she wants more. But Santa can’t bring her here.”

Helpless, Krolia watched her son lose faith in her. Heath did his best, but the impossibility of his task was clear to them both. Promises of love Keith couldn’t feel would never convince him he hadn’t been left behind. Toys under a tree weren’t enough to quell the heartache of a boy who only wanted his mother.

“Ms. Parker said Christmas is s’posed to be about family,” Keith said weakly.

“Ms. Parker isn’t wrong.” Heath kept his voice measured and calm while he stroked soothing circles over Keith’s back. “But it’s also about appreciating what you have, and no matter what we have each other. Right buddy?”

Keith nodded. Heath kissed his forehead.

“C’mon,” Heath said, standing and lifting Keith with him. “Let’s open a few together, okay? It might help you feel better.”

Krolia was back in the cave.

The space wolf whined. Keith was curled on his side in sleep, one arm tucked in towards himself and the other bent near his head. The growing wolf blocked much of him from her view, but she’d watched him enough times to know that it was the same position he’d slept in as a baby. The thought tugged at the corners of her mouth, dragging the faintest of smiles out of her.

An alarm in Keith’s suit beeped, but he stayed fast asleep. The space wolf nudged him with the end of his snout and, when that produced no results, began to lick his face.

It was Keith’s turn to whine. It was endearing, really, how he seemed to pull himself out of sleep piece by piece, stretching his arms and legs and propping himself up on an elbow well before ever opening his eyes. The wolf was relentless and continued to nudge him until at last he blinked away the last of his sleep, violet eyes struggling to focus through the initial haze.

“Krolia here,” Krolia said when he seemed awake enough to register her.

He yawned, scratched behind the wolf’s ears, and said, “Keith here.” He was slow to stand, slower than usual.

“Everything alright?”

“Weird dream,” was all he said, stretching out his back with an audible pop. He pulled her blade from his belt and began to scratch a new line into the cave wall.

Time as a concept functioned separately from the rest of reality in the Quantum Abyss. While their physical forms continued onward in a linear fashion, their minds were twisted by the stops and starts, the flashbacks and flashforwards, the reversals and jumps. Their only measurement was a series of carved tallies Keith had worked into the wall of the cave they’d taken for shelter. The timing function of his suit alarmed every 24 Earth hours, although the lengths of the days here fluctuated beyond the measurable and sometimes made them doubt the device’s accuracy.

When the alarm sounded, wherever they were on the space whale, whatever they were doing, they would stop and sound off over their communicators. And then Keith would return to the cave to scratch a line into the wall.

It was a routine. It granted them some semblance of control in an environment that was desperately trying to kill them, either from the creatures it sent after them or the toxic plants or from the deterioration of their own sanity.

Some days were better than others.

Some days Keith woke in a cold sweat, screams caught and choked in his throat. Some days the environment would manifest a vision of the paladins, or of Shiro, or his father waving for him to follow, and Krolia held him in place while he thrashed and called for them to wait for him until the delusions passed and he fell limp in her arms.

She was grateful for the wolf. It gave him something to focus his love and energy on aside from her. He could insist as firmly as he desired that he understood why she did what she did, but nearly two decades of abandonment leaves damages that can’t be undone with excuses and apologies and Krolia was keenly aware of her existence as the physical embodiment of his hurt.

The vision solidified that.

When Keith was done, he stepped back and counted the tallies to himself. “I… I think it’s Christmas.”

He paused and pursed his lips. “Well, for us anyway. Who knows what day it is out there.”

“I remember this holiday.” Krolia stood, thoughtful. “Your father insisted on dressing you up for it.”

Keith blinked. “You were still around for Christmas?”

“Just for the one,” Krolia said, not without regret. “He put stuffed antlers on your head and painted your nose red. He said it was a human tradition. I found it strange.”

Keith’s mouth hung agape. “I - are you serious?”

“I did try to advise against it.” Krolia’s smile betrayed her. “But you were, admittedly, adorable.”

Unsure what to think about that, Keith stared for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the cave with the wolf at his heels. “I’m gonna go find breakfast.”

He barely made it out of her view before the world pulsed with a flash and they were in stars.

The realization that they were not floating in open space but were in fact firmly grounded on some sort of observation deck overlooking a vast nebula was a welcome one. Krolia guessed that it was the Castle of Lions, purely because she saw Keith sprawled on a blanket on the floor, and he wouldn’t have found a view like this anywhere on Earth.

Something must have startled him, because he sat upright and spun around. She felt the eyes he’d inherited from his father stare straight through her, and though she knew he couldn’t have been addressing her, she still caught herself wondering otherwise.

But no, it was too casual, too relaxed to be directed to her. “It’s just you,” he said, settling back down.

“Just me.” Shiro stepped out from behind her with his thumbs hooked around his belt loops. “I was half expecting to find you on the training deck, y’know.”

“You should be with the others,” Keith said, not taking his eyes off of Shiro. “It’s Christmas.”

“You’re right.” Shiro motioned for Keith to make room for him, and Keith obliged. He sat beside him and then leaned back onto his elbows. “It’s Christmas, and I’m exactly where I should be.”

“You know I hate Christmas.” Krolia could hear his frown.

“I know. But it’s still a time to be with family, and you’re mine. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

There was a beat of silence. When Keith spoke, his voice was weak. “Thanks.”

“C’mere, Keith.” Shiro opened his arms. Keith scooted closer, resting his head on Shiro’s shoulder. Krolia felt compelled to look away - the moment felt too intimate for her eyes. “You remember that last Christmas together at the Garrison?”

“No, no, I actually don’t remember it and you know why.” Keith did not sound amused, but Shiro started snickering before he could finish.

“I had to carry you to your room on my back.”

“You’re the one who gave me the mulled wine.”

“I let you take _one_ sip. _You’re_ the one who went back and sneaked an entire bottle out under your uniform.”

“Terrible influence, you are.” Shiro pinched his arm, and Keith cried out in exaggerated pain, which dissolved into laughter.

“This is what I did the Christmas after you left for Kerberos,” Keith said once they’d calmed down.

“Stargazed?”

Keith nodded. “I stayed out way after curfew. Almost got caught. I thought it might help me feel closer to you. I thought maybe if I looked hard enough I could convince myself I saw you out there. Then, after…” He swallowed. “After I got expelled, I used to do this a lot. Just watch. Sometimes it was like I could feel you were still out there somewhere. I always thought I was just imagining it.”

“You really never gave up on me.” Shiro‘s tone held no surprise - only something softer, something more dear. “Even though I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

“It wasn’t.” Keith looked around at Shiro, the light of the nebula gleaming in his eyes. “But I don’t think I know how to do anything else.”

Krolia may have been mistaken, but she thought she saw them leaning closer together before she was pulled out of the memory. Back on the whale, she looked around to make sure Keith was alright. He seemed dazed for the moment, but once he’d regained his bearings he continued on his path as if nothing happened.

Much of the day passed without another flash. It wasn’t one of the bad days, and Krolia was grateful for that at least. Keith was distant, but he always was, and Krolia expected no less. It was easy to follow routine at a distance.

Breaking into the personal endangered that ease, and she knew beneath his cool confidence he was still young and terrified. The best thing she could do for him was let this be easy.

But inevitably darkness fell, stars filled the sky, and there was no sign of Keith. Usually by sundown they retired to the cave to avoid unnecessary confrontation with the creatures that only came out at night. Krolia tried not to worry - her son was strong and capable, after all - but once the darkness was absolute her motherly instincts kicked in.

“Keith,” she said into her communicator, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” he said, “Hold on, I’ll send the space wolf to you.”

The air sizzled as the wolf appeared and nudged her hand. Krolia held on and allowed him to take her back to Keith.

He was sitting on the hard ground, head turned up to the stars.

“What are you doing out here so late?” Krolia asked, “This place is dangerous after dark.”

“I have this guy.” Keith scratched behind the wolf’s ears. “And it’s sort of a tradition for me now. I thought you saw that earlier.”

“I didn’t think you wanted me to see that.”

“I didn’t.” He turned over his shoulder to look at her. “But you saw it.”

Hesitant, Krolia sat beside him. Keith was rarely open with her about anything, and though they both understood that the Abyss cared very little for personal privacy, she couldn’t help the sense of guilt for knowing what she wasn’t meant to know.

“Why do you dislike this holiday so much, Keith?” Krolia asked after a long silence. “Your father always told me it was meant to be a time of joy.”

“I spent a lot of years alone.” There was no malice in his honesty, no blame. “It’s not a great holiday for that.”

“But you are not alone anymore.”

“You didn’t see when I left.” His voice was soft, rough. There was a vulnerability she hadn’t seen in him before. “They were all so mad at me. Even Shiro. I’ve never seen Shiro so mad at me.”

Before Krolia could formulate a response, another pulse rushed through them, followed by a flash of light. Krolia threw an arm around Keith’s shoulders and drew him in towards her chest as the light reached them, and they fell into the vision together.

This was a room Krolia did not recognize, though the people inside she knew from Keith’s memories. They were gathered around an extravagantly decorated Christmas tree with gifts and torn wrapping paper strewn about. The space wolf momentarily stole her attention, standing taller than Keith and nearly as tall as the tree itself. This was a future - and like most of their visions of the future, it flickered. It wouldn’t last.

But as Krolia scanned the scene before her, she could see herself behind her son. Keith looked older, his hair longer and tied back and a smile playing at his lips. Most shocking were the antlers he wore, but it didn’t take long to guess who had managed to wrestle him into them.

Shiro sat beside him in a red, floppy hat that covered most of his head, one arm draped over Keith’s shoulders and the other in his lap. His prosthetic was different, with a bit of empty space between the shoulder and the floating forearm. Their hands were linked, and while she couldn’t quite tell from her angle, she thought she saw a glint of gold on Keith’s finger.

Among the others she recognized Princess Allura and the one Keith called Lance sitting close together in matching blue sweaters. The largest and the littlest paladins sat together as well, apparently excited over some piece of technology they’d been given. There were others around as well; small children with dark skin and white hair, and another with distinctive Galra features who seemed to still be mastering the ability to walk. As Krolia watched, the child stumbled, and Keith’s hand darted forward to catch him.

And it was gone, and she and Keith were left staring at the stars.

Keith sucked in a sharp breath, and Krolia loosened her grip, letting him lean back. She expected him to free himself from her hold entirely, but to her surprise he stayed close.

“Well,” she said, choosing her words with care. “I think whatever it is you’ve done to upset them, they will forgive you, if they haven’t already. They love you dearly. That much is clear.”

The last thing Krolia expected was for Keith to laugh. It bubbled out of him, like he hadn’t meant to, but couldn’t hold himself back.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“The antlers,” he said, “They were terrible.”

Of everything they’d seen, that was what he chose to fixate on. Without thinking, Krolia pressed an affectionate kiss to the top of his head. She felt him tense under her hands, briefly, but then relax. He even leaned into her. “In all seriousness,” she said, “I hope you know how loved you are and have always been. Even when it may not feel so. You are so loved.”

“I know.” Emotion shook his voice. Alarmed, Krolia looked down at him, but he was smiling. “I’m still getting used to that. But I know.”

Krolia squeezed his shoulder, placing another kiss to his temple as long as he was accepting them. “Are you ready to go back?”

“Just a minute.” Keith was still looking up to the stars. They shined in his eyes. “I can feel him.”  

Krolia raised a brow. “Shiro?”

Keith nodded. “I used to think I was just imagining it, but… I’m not so sure anymore.”

Following his gaze, Krolia tried to see what he was seeing. There was beauty in the stars, certainly, but as she shifted her attention back to her son she couldn’t help but find more beauty in him.

She leaned her cheek on the top of his head. “Merry Christmas, Keith.”

He slipped his arm around her.

“Merry Christmas, Mom.”

**Author's Note:**

> Keith beginning the healing process in the Quantum Abyss soothes my soul almost as much as pretending season 8 doesn't exist. 
> 
> Feel free to contact me on tumblr @holdingoutforashiro or twitter @i_need_a_shiro. Sometimes I take prompts. Mostly I just cry.


End file.
